Tuesday, June 4, 2019

LIDS Field Day Plans

The May gathering of the Lost Island DX Society was starting to wind down.  The 807s were either empty or getting warm, which was the sure sign that it was time for the meeting to end.  Just before the president could call for an adjournment motion, Skinny Dennis stood up.

“Before we adjourn, I want to talk about Field Day.”

Silence meaning acquiescence, Skinny continued.  “Every year it’s the same routine. Charlie and I show up on Friday afternoon to set up. Four or five others promise to show up and help out, but nobody ever does. So Charlie and I sweat out the day putting wires in trees and setting up tents and trying to get the generator to crank.”

 Looking around the room, Skinny saw a few members discreetly avert their eyes in a sign of guilt. He continued, “Saturday morning we’re back at getting radios running and coaxes run. A few of you guys show up around 10 or 11 o’clock, but by then we’re usually about finished."

“Someone will show up with a big sub and a cooler full of 807s around noon and the crowd falls into it, between telling ‘war stories’. At 2 o’clock when the opening bell starts, it’s just Charlie and I sitting in front of the radios trying to crank out some Qs while the rest of you blather on.”

“Maybe around 3 or 4 somebody might offer to relieve us, but they usually get bored after about a half hour and wander off to see about helping with the grill for dinner.”

“If we want to have any kind of score, Charlie and I are pretty much stuck at the radio. By dinner 10 or 12 others have shown up to see what Chef Arnie has on the grill. After eating they all sit around telling lies about the DX they worked and draining more 807s. If I try to get one of them to operate for a while, they’ll usually say, ‘Oh, no, you got right ahead. I don’t want to take away any of your fun.’”

“By 7 o’clock most of them have cleared out and headed home for the evening. Charlie and I are getting tired listening to thunderstorm crashes while hearing the hub bub of the crowd enjoying their 807s behind us. But Charlie and I are stuck there the rest of the night trying to put Qs in the log while everyone else is sleeping in their air-conditioned beds at home.”

“By morning someone will usually show up and bring Charlie and I some coffee, but will they take a turn at the radio? Noooooooo.”

“By lunch some more have shown up with another sub and more 807s in a cooler. But by 1 o’clock they’ve all disappeared. At 2 o’clock when Field Day ends, Charlie and I are by our lonesome again, left to take it all down and drag it home where we collapse.”

Skinny Dennis looked around the room, where few would meet his gaze. He hoped he had shamed them into showing up and actually helping out this year. Just then the president spoke up.

“Well, I guess the Field Day plans are all in order, so do I hear a motion for adjournment?”

The din of movedsecondedallinfavorayetheeyeshaveit erupted in the room, followed by a quick departure of the membership by every exit available. Skinny Dennis was left standing while Charlie still sat in his chair.

“Guess I’ll see you in a couple of weeks, Charlie,” Skinny said as he turned toward the door.

Thursday, May 30, 2019

The TRUTH About Hara!!!

Photo via WHIO.com

News out of Dayton Tuesday revealed that the aftermath of severe storms and tornadoes on Monday caused extensive damage in the Dayton area. News reports showed that the historic Hara Arena of past Hamvention fame was extensively damaged with roof and walls torn completely off. This damage has been blamed on the storms and tornadoes, but the Fi-Ni Report has learned that is not the truth.

The damage at Hara was actually the result of a post-Hamvention K9PG extracurricular Hooters party. K9PG and assorted compatriots still hanging around the region post-Hamvention snuck into the deserted arena and threw a Hooter's catered shindig that literally 'blew the roof off' of the place.

There would have been an investigation and, no doubt, criminal charges pressed if the damage had been done under normal circumstances. But, 'PG and party were spared embarrassment when a line of storms came through shortly after the party broke up and caused significant damage in areas around Dayton. When the Hara damage was discovered, authorities assumed it had been cause by one the storms or even a tornado. With all of the winds associated with the storms, almost all evidence of the 'PG led soiree was blown away. The only incriminating piece of evidence that remained was a hideously ugly green Hawaiian shirt which got speared on a roof rafter, the significance of which eluded local authorities.

Elsewhere, some long time Hamvention attendees viewed photos of the arena and were convinced that there had actually been some improvements made to the buildings.

Monday, May 27, 2019

Hefty Ate

“Leche, it is time.”

“Time for what, Macho?”

“Time for us to return to the bands. With the sunspots growing weak, many have lost faith in the possibilities of DX.”

“How will we do that, Macho?”

“We have time before the great WW in the fall when the world can witness the greatness of Macho Cueso, so in the meantime we will take a new opportunity to demonstrate our DX prowess.”

“What is that, Macho?”

“We will use the Hefty Ate to work all the DX.”

“What is the Hefty Ate?”

“It is a new digital mode.”

“Digital? You mean fingers? Like cw?”

“No, it uses a computer.”

“Computer? So like RTTY?”

“Not exactly. The Hefty Ate doesn’t decode errors like RTTY. It is always accurate.”

“No errors? Where is the fun in that? Leche likes trying to decipher DSDHJCNWITRZM,QWP457NVL to pull out a QSO. Perfect copy is boring.”

“Leche, it is the way of the future. As spark gave way to CW, AM gave way to SSB, we must make way for the Hefty Ate.”

“But Macho, they say you can’t run more than 20 watts with the Hefty. What will we do with the amplifiers?”

“Leche, worry not. The Hefty is a weak signal mode. That does not mean it is low power. The QRPers are used to being weak; they think that weak automatically equals QRP.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Leche, you’ve been on 160m. You know better.”


“Macho, the word on the grapevine is that Hefty Ate will destroy ham radio.”

“Leche, is this the same grapevine that said that eliminating the code requirement would destroy ham radio? Is it the same grapevine that said that incentive licensing would destroy ham radio?”

“Is it the same grapevine that said that computer logging and sending would destroy ham radio? I think your grapevine grows sour grapes.”

“Macho, I hear there is now a Hefty Fore. How will that affect things?”

“We will have to wait and see on that one, Leche.”

“Macho, I am confused. Is Hefty Fore half as good as Hefty Ate?”

“It is definitely twice as controversial.”

“Will there be a Hefty Dos?”

“I don’t know. We have to wait for the Princes of Princeton to decide if we need it. In the meantime, we need to get our clocks synchronized.”